Adventures in Freelancing

I realized something interesting today, I realized that I am happy. It’s funny because I wasn’t really thinking about evaluating my mood, I was just writing in my planner and trying to organize my assignments by deadline. I sat there, at the kitchen table, at 6:30AM doing the same thing I do every morning; check email, check job boards, write down new writing assignments, figure out when I can write them, and suddenly- I realized I was happy.

It was interesting. I accepted the realization without trepidation. I did not look at it with squinty-eyed doubt and I did not try to hedge the happiness with debasing humor. I accepted it and moved on.

There was a time when I was not so happy. There was a time when I was writing for a company and began hating writing. I wanted to leave- the last minute changes, the politics, the ridiculous expectations- I hated every assignment and resented the entire writing process.

I stayed with that company for much longer than I should have because I was scared. I thought, “what if I’m not good enough to write for anyone else?” I allowed myself to think that this was some fluke, that they were being so generous to put up with my complete lack of ability. The position sapped so much of my energy and confidence that I wasn’t able to write for anyone else and possibly grab a foothold on the reality of my ability.

Somehow, I found the strength to resign. Once I did, a whole new world of opportunity opened up. A world that was always there, but I was too blinded by misery to see it.

So now, I’m happy. And damn it, I’m gonna stay that way. I hope you do too.